Take it from me, there are some things you never, never, never should say, even if it wasn’t quite what you meant, to your pregnant wife:
5. In a teasing rift, I was thinking of saying “Whatever pregnant lady!” but instead I said, “Whatever you big pregnant whale!” For that, I should be sleeping with the fishes.
4. Really for no reason, I have said the following on numerous occassions, “I’m really tired, why don’t you fix dinner?”
3. Upon seeing my wife’s bluish-purple swollen feet, “Hey, are your feet ok? They kind of look like morgue feet.” If you’ve ever watched Law & Order or CSI, you know what morgue feet are.
2. As a way of empathizing with my wife’s inability to do as much as she could pre-pregnancy, I inappropriately, but sweetly asked, “Don’t you ever get tired of lying around all day?”
1. After reading an article saying women in post-pregnancy return to the bodies they had before, I told my wife, “You probably don’t want your old body back.” Again, trying to affirm that my wife’s desire to have a different body weight, and again, I put my big fat shoe in my mouth.
God forgive me, I’m becoming Michael Scott from “The Office” Maybe I need to read the “Caveman’s Guide to Pregnancy” book a little closer.
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