Top 5 Things You Never Say To Your Pregnant Wife

Take it from me, there are some things you never, never, never should say, even if it wasn’t quite what you meant, to your pregnant wife:

5.   In a teasing rift, I was thinking of saying “Whatever pregnant lady!” but instead I said, “Whatever you big pregnant whale!”  For that, I should be sleeping with the fishes.

4. Really for no reason, I have said the following on numerous occassions, “I’m really tired, why don’t you fix dinner?”

3.  Upon seeing my wife’s bluish-purple swollen feet, “Hey, are your feet ok? They kind of look like morgue feet.” If you’ve ever watched Law & Order or CSI, you know what morgue feet are.

2.  As a way of empathizing with my wife’s inability to do as much as she could pre-pregnancy, I inappropriately, but sweetly asked, “Don’t you ever get tired of lying around all day?”

1. After reading an article saying women in post-pregnancy return to the bodies they had before, I told my wife, “You probably don’t want your old body back.”  Again, trying to affirm that my wife’s desire to have a different body weight, and again, I put my big fat shoe in my mouth.

God forgive me, I’m becoming Michael Scott from “The Office”   Maybe I need to read the “Caveman’s Guide to Pregnancy” book a little closer.

cartoon courtesy of


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